NZDiary. . .

Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.
[Dana starts passionately making out with him]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Actually, it’s more of a guideline than a rule…

Here’s a list of Lessons learned that I strive to abide by on a daily basis (in no particular order):

• Do one thing every day that makes you happy. For me, it’s usually smiling at my son or wife.  Other times it’s going for a run or walk to clear the head.  The important part is to take time for yourself everyday.
• Spend less than you make. Easy to say, hard to do (easy to measure though).  The way that I’ve approached this dilemma is by eliminating all forms of borrowed funds (credit cards, loans, etc) then I setup auto savings drafts (Roth, 401k, emergency fund) from my paycheck and I live off what’s left.
• Always think before you speak (though I struggle to do this). It only takes a few seconds to say something inside your head before it flows out your mouth.  I’ve put myself in many bad situations by letting my thoughts escape my internal editor.
• Never do business with friends, unless you did business with them before you were friends. Nothing ends a relationship faster than a dispute over money.   This doesn’t mean you can’t make friends with individuals you do business with, however it’s important to keep the horse and carriage in the proper order.
• Never stop learning. The world is filled with many wonderful lessons and insights.  Learning something new everyday is one small way to keep the brain going.
• Never stop trying new things. I’ve learned so many great things in life by stepping outside of my comfort zone and trying things that were unfamiliar at the time.  A good example for me is running.  Had I never signed up for that company half marathon several years ago, I might never have discovered one of my great life passions.  The world is infinitely interesting yet at the same time it takes courage to wander beyond the familiar.
• Work everyday on becoming a better listener. I actually borrowed this tip from Dale Carnegie.  My natural impulse is to talk and fascinate others with my wit and wisdom, however this rarely happens.  In most cases, they’re bored and/or just waiting for their turn to talk.  So with each opportunity to converse with others, I strive to listen more and to take an active interest in their words and their opinions.  This is very very difficult for me but I have already felt and noticed the change.  Seeing the world through someone else’s perspective opens the mind to alternatives that I may never have considered.  As a result, I find myself enjoying learning about the people around me.  In return, I’ve found the relationships around me stronger and better than before.
• Be polite and genuine to everyone you meet.  I actually picked this behavior up from my father.  He seems to have a gift for making friends with strangers.  He always smiles and goes out of his way to be polite to everyone.  Simple acts like thanking the cashier or commenting on some one’s appearance goes a long way towards making the world more civilized and a more pleasant environment.  I often thought that he was doing this just to be nice to others until I tried it myself and noticed that it made my days more pleasant and enjoyable.
• Rely on raw factual data rather than conventional wisdom. I have a natural curiosity for human nature, I suppose that’s why I majored in history back in college.  As I’ve grown older and witnessed many things, I find myself challenging so-called conventional wisdom.  A good example for me is running shoes.  Everyone tells me that I need a good pair to run, however as I discover more about the human body and the scientific studies on footwear, I’m finding there’s not a lot of support for why we need shoes.  As a test for my own benefit, I’ve started running without them.  While the transition hasn’t been easy, I’m finding the journey a lot of fun and my running has improved.
• The journey should be as much fun as the destination. This one is my motto for life.  I never understood why I don’t enjoy finishing goals as much as I thought I would until I realized that goals represented the end of a journey.  When I finished my first Ironman back in November of 2008, I wasn’t relived nor was there a pot of self fulfillment at the end.  Instead there was sadness and a considerable amount of soreness.  What I came to understand was that the training and the work leading up to the race was the fun part and what I enjoyed most.   The actual race was nothing more than a victory lap of sorts bookmarking the end of a long trip.  Now as I take on challenges in life, I spend more time and energy determining if the journey will be fun rather than the destination.  After all, that’s where my time will go.
• Talent is far less valuable than persistence. Our society seems to place a lot of emphasis on natural talent and genetic gifts.   However in my experience, deterimination and hard work achieve far more than talent ever will.  Focus, deterimination, and a steady effort will long out produce talent.

Well here’s a list of places, people, things that for whatever reason have made the LIST.  I’ll do my best to not place blame or judge such individuals, however since they’ve made the list, I’ve made a deliberate decision to avoid these places, people, actions, things FOREVER.

• All Inclusive Resorts- We spent a extended weekend in Jamaica for a wedding back in 2007.  Under normal circumstances, an all inclusive trip to a resort destination in the Caribbean during the bleak February days would sound great.  Long story short: Tips included = lousy service
  (plus the rooms, food, patrons, lines everywhere, also added to an unhappy experience).
  Jamaica is over touristed and any interactions with the local communities seared images of the great divide between the haves and have nots. 
  –to credit the resort company, they did offer to make right our stay by offerring a free return trip, however we came to the conclusion that we were not their ideal customer (someone seeking: buffets, bottom shelf mixed drinks, and crowds of overweight Americans).  A return trip, whatever the cost, would be a repeat of the first experience.
• Car Leases – Back in the early days when we first started dating, Roberta’s old car died and we made the fateful decision to lease a new car for 36 months as a replacement.  Being fresh out of college and poor, car leasing ranks high as one of the worst financial decisions you can make in your twenties.  Long story short, we were taken on the deal, over charged on insurance (2 doors + under 25 yrs old + leasing requirements = very very very very very high insurance).  The 36 month lesson taught us a great deal about finance and cars.  From that day forward, we never again borrowed a penny to buy a car.
• Apartment Communities - Seems like every city in America is filled with these filing cabinets for twenty somethings.  You recognize them by names like Falls Crossing, Highlands Park, The Cameroon, Clarion Crest, etc.  They’re basically cheap housing with lousy workout centers and an office staff that can’t solve any problems.  We lived in several of these places over the years and none of them ever impressed me.  Since they’re run by investors and managed by some nameless corporation, the property managers have little to no authority to help you once your lease is signed (until the last month when they want you to renew).  As we never realized options besides these communities existed, we never thought to look elsewhere.  However once we moved to Nashville and moved into an older home owned and managed by a couple down the street, we realized what we had missed: having a landlord who is available and has authority to make decisions.
• Moving during your wedding - OK, First off I never plan to get married again:  I’ve found the perfect woman.  Second, moving sucks in general.  Moving (especially when there’s a gap between living in your prior residence and future residence) while getting married is considerably worse. Having no place to call home during the stressful planning and days before the wedding is miserable.  On a related note, we preferred to have a simple service overseas but we felt that it would be considered rude and disrespectful to our relatives and friends (in retrospect, we should have gone ahead with the service overseas).
• Renovating and selling a house, moving, all while your wife is pregnant. – This one is self explanitory.  We did it out of necessity, however I would highly recommend avoiding putting yourself in such a situation if it can be avoided.
• Hiring an architect to design a house you can’t afford – As most young homeowners sometimes do, we felt the urge to improve our humble abode by making adjustments to fit our new dream lifestyle.  I hired a good friend to draft plans for a layout that would match our budget and our needs.  Several thousand dollars later we owned a really nice set of plans that outlined $350k in improvements to a house we paid $200k for.  Having studied finance, this deal was bad all around.  We ended up spending under $30k in minor improvements (hvac, paint, drywall, detail work) and sold the house.
• World Gym – This experience was so terrible that I’ll even mention the company by name.  The owner/manager even tried to sue us for monthly fees after we moved two states away and after our contract had expired.  Long story short: NEVER SIGN A CONTRACT longer than 1 month for any workout facility.  There are many better options and if you do have to sign a contract, mark the thing up and limit the time period to one month.
• Frontier Airlines – Our winter vacation to Northern Idaho involved round trip travel with Frontier Airlines.  Once a great discount airline with wonderful service, this airline has fallen far to the point where few employees seem to care anymore.  Long story short, this airline went to great lengths to make travel miserable (impolite service, yelling by gate attendants, and hundreds of hidden costs).  For all the travel that I’ve done in my life, Frontier has displaced United as the airline that cares the least.  We flew a week later to visit family via Southwest airlines and the attitudes of the personnel was like night and day when compared to Frontier.  Amazing how far a little courtesy and kindness goes in this day and age.